


darken your clothes, or strike a violent pose

by justwannabeoutthere



Series: teenagers scare, the livin' shit out of me [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack and Angst, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Have Issues (Naruto), Dai-nana-han | Team 7 are Trolls (Naruto), F/F, F/M, Female Uzumaki Naruto, Gen, Kakashi Has No Idea Why His Students Are Like This, Multi, Non-Chronological, OT3, Other, Reincarnation, Self-Insert, Shenanigans, Where The Self-Insert Doesn't Wallow In Self-Pity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29855385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justwannabeoutthere/pseuds/justwannabeoutthere
Summary: “Let me tell you guys something,” Sakura said. “You’ll thank me later.”“Why not?” Naruto said, with a bite to her voice. Sasuke was very concerned for Sakura’s wellbeing. He didn’t think Naruto could tolerate much more.“I don’t think I can lose my mind any more than I already have.”Leaning in close, Sakura whispered,“Believe in Kishimoto.”Naruto looked absolutely, positively murderous.I wish I brought my manga, Sasuke despaired.Or, how three people deal with being the reincarnated main characters of an anime. Pray to god that they still have plot armor.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Akatsuki, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Everyone, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Rookie Nine, Dai-nana-han | Team Seven & Konoha 12, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: teenagers scare, the livin' shit out of me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194980
Comments: 118
Kudos: 269
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, oc self insertSI





	1. hell ain't normal but we deal, we deal

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Denial and Deterioration](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17203280) by [LazuliQuetzal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazuliQuetzal/pseuds/LazuliQuetzal). 



> This is going to be a **non-chronological fic** with all of Team 7 being reincarnated self-inserts (before the first chapter takes place). Of course, not all of them became aware of their previous life at the same time.
> 
> Can you guess where the title is from?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team 7 interaction, featuring a brief cameo by a certain grey-haired ninja towards the end.

Sasuke smirked to himself as he sat alone to wait for Kakashi to come. Naruto and Sakura were off somewhere _,_ which was of no concern to him. He had his own entertainment, after all, to occupy himself while waiting.

He froze when he noticed the distinct lack of his shoujo manga on his person. Apparently, in his rush to escape his fangirls, _he’d left his manga behind!_

 _“_ Fuck,” he muttered out loud, letting the English word ring out the room. Except for the moment he’d let it slip, Naruto had come in. He would have never expected what came next.

Sasuke’s eyes widened when he noticed himself pinned against the wall, Naruto’s hand on his neck. _Is this what a reverse kabedon was like?_ It might as well have been a scene from one of his mangas.

“You!” Naruto growled. Sasuke wasn’t too sure about how he felt about this situation. Naruto heavily resembled her father after all, who in his opinion was the most attractive kage in history. But his heart dropped when he heard the next words.

“Does the word _Kaguya_ ring a bell in your head?” she snarled. She hadn’t used English, but Sasuke was stunned. Someone else in the world who’d been transmigrated?

He wondered what would happen if he called her crazy and that he had no idea what she was talking about. Would that be a safer option? Then he decided that he wanted to stay alive, thank you very much.

It was inevitable, anyway, that he’d have to get involved with the main events. Being the secondary protagonist and Indra’s reincarnation (if that was still true) would force him to.

It was then when Sakura came into the room, skipping in with a stick of dango. He mentally groaned. Naruto had stepped back by the time she entered, but the damage was done. Sakura had seen both him and Naruto in that heavily compromising position.

Would she scream? Accuse them of improper behavior? Attack Naruto?

“Fuck me,” Sakura said, wonderingly. In English.

Of course, Sasuke thought. It would be _Team 7_ , the most central characters of the story, which would all have been reincarnated. Because, why not?

The… British, he presumed, accent in her voice was unmistakable. He and Naruto almost clashed heads with how quickly they turned towards Sakura, who was… sporting a huge nosebleed. Great.

Then again, Sasuke couldn’t say that he wouldn’t do the same in her position.

Naruto seemed lost, for lack of a word, as her gaze darted between the two of them. Sakura covered up her nose, as she pressed her scarf on top of the blood.

“And I _just_ bought this yesterday,” she grumbled, back in Japanese.

At this point, Sasuke was very concerned for Naruto’s mental state. She looked like a computer that had crashed.

“Hey,” he said, waving his hand in front of her eyes, “Are you okay?”

She turned towards him with _the_ most deadpan expression on her face.

“Tell me,” she said, low and quiet, “if I look okay.”

 _Yeah, that’s fair_ , Sasuke thought.

“I have no fucking idea what’s going on,” Naruto said.

“Does anyone?” Sasuke asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Sakura seemed to have recovered from her unexpected nosebleed. She looked like she’d managed to come to the same conclusion as them.

“Let me tell you guys something,” Sakura said. “You’ll thank me later.”

“Why not?” Naruto said, with a bite to her voice. Sasuke was very concerned for Sakura’s wellbeing. He didn’t think Naruto could tolerate much more.  
  
“I don’t think I can lose my mind any more than I already have.”

Leaning in close, Sakura whispered, “ _Believe in Kishimoto.”_

She could clearly see the incredulity on their faces.

Naruto looked absolutely, positively murderous. She had a death grip on a kunai handle, and she was clearly trying to contain herself.

Sakura looked unabashed. “That’s how I coped with this!” she said, flinging her arm around to gesture to Konoha.

Sasuke deeply wished that he had her ability to not give a shit.

 _I wish I brought my manga,_ he despaired. He still wanted to find out the resolution of the final battle between Himiko and Izumi.

“Well,” a voice says, scaring the shit out of the three of them. Sasuke wanted to sink into a non-existent couch as he sees Kakashi process the scene he’s stumbled upon.

He could only watch on the side as he watched one of the main events of the anime commence.

Sasuke couldn’t really blame Kakashi for the way his eyebrows creased as he looked at them.

“My first impression of you is…” Sasuke closed his eyes, “that you’re going to be a handful.”

Sasuke deeply pitied their new sensei. _You don’t know the half of it_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic for the Naruto fandom, hope you liked it!


	2. ain't got nothin' to smile about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we see how Naruto gained her memories!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: might not be able to update future chapters at the same rate

When Naruto was four, a vengeful chunin drunk on sake attacked her for being ‘the demon which destroyed his family.’ With no formal training yet, she was unable to do much to defend herself until someone else managed to step in and save her.

Knocked out and unconscious, she was rushed to the hospital while the chunin, despite getting some of the resentment out of his system, only began to understand the sheer and utter _stupidity_ of what he had done.

In other words: he was totally _fucked._

Fortunately for Naruto, there was no lasting damage, but the Hokage was understandably furious when Naruto didn’t immediately wake up after being treated.

He immediately ordered for the chunin to get the most special treatment possible from T&I. When it was determined that he didn’t have any external ties to forces outside of the village, or any knowledge of why Naruto hadn’t woken up immediately, Sarutobi Hiruzen decided to make an example out of him and show just exactly what would happen if you directly harmed Naruto Uzumaki. 

Hatake Kakashi took great pleasure in executing the chunin with his Chidori by order of the Hokage.

But he also felt immense anger, fear, and guilt about what had happened to his sensei’s daughter.

Minato-sensei and Kushina’s daughter should’ve been treated with the respect she deserved, not like the ostracized child she was. He’d watched countless times as she cried when the other children rejected her, or when the civillains would turn their noses up at the sight of her.

Kakashi ached to actually do something for her, to try and atone for his actions when she woke up.

But alas, he was first and foremost a loyal shinobi of Konohagakure. Kakashi knew what his orders were, and was unable to interfere from outside of the shadows.

What would Obito think of him?

When he got those thoughts, Kakashi simply suppressed them, like the good, mentally fucked ANBU he was. There wasn’t much he could accomplish by dwelling on what-ifs aimlessly.

—

When Naruto woke up for the first time, her vision was hazy and blurry. She tried to sit up, but most of her body felt like lead weight. But when she’d opened her eyes, the nurse had dropped her blankets on top of her.

She winced at the scream the women let out. Did she really have to be so loud?

A couple of minutes later, an old man had entered the room and had taken a seat next to her. By then, Naruto’s vision had mostly cleared up for the most part.

“Ah, Naruto,” Sarutobi Hiruzen said, looking at her fondly. It was a relief for him that whatever had happened to Naruto, it wasn’t permanent. “It’s nice to see that you’re awake.”

… _Naruto?_

Had she heard that right? Was she still dreaming?

_Naruto?_

She looked up at Hiruzen, without any response. The loud, boisterous girl he knew was nowhere to be present in the way she’d looked at him.

Naruto brought her child-like hands up to her face, staring at her fingers, dumbfounded.

By now, Hiruzen was concerned.

N̴̢̛̦̙̗͔̠̬̤̾͑̓̋͋̒̂̈̔̎͂͜͜͠͝a̷̧̯̬̹̝͔̥͔̻̜͕̺͒̃̈͐͛͒̇͜͜͜ȓ̵͇̼͔͔̞̰̭͇̈́u̸̞̤̎̇̈́̈̒t̸̢̛̠͓̳̖͈͇͔̱̹̍͛̈́̏̏͋̈́̈̚̚͘͜͠ŏ̷̞̝͌͋̇͗͂͊͘̚ **?̴̛̦̖̻͎̫̣̄́͗͊̑͛́̑̄͋͠**

She screamed.

—

She’d kept screaming and screaming, and the Hokage immediately summoned a med-nin. They’d pumped her full of drugs just so that she’d fall back asleep.

None of the med-nins understood why she was screaming.

Nobody could have ever known about what exactly had happened to Naruto on that day with the chunin. Somehow, something had awoken in her.

**Something from another world.**

—

“Good to hear you’re feeling better, Naruto,” Hiruzen chuckled, as he sat in the wooden chair in her new apartment.

“Thanks, old man,” she said, quietly. Hiruzen frowned.

The quick psychological assessment done by a Yamanaka suggested that the incident and irrevocably changed her. Naruto still retained parts of her original self, but she was a lot more subdued and quiet then before.

On one hand, this personality change would make her an excellent shinobi. On the other hand, Hiruzen found himself sorely missing Naruto’s previous brightness.

Naruto found herself feeling so goddamn _itchy_ with the Sandaime in her apartment.

Would he figure her out?

Could he tell that she absolutely, completed _loathed_ Konoha? Detested the way they’d treated an orphan girl, saddled with a burden with no fault of her own?

How could someone live and _die_ for this place? Do things even worse for the sake of the ‘village’?

She’d remembered everything that Naruto had, the subpar reading education she’d received, the way there had been almost no intervention in the way she’d been treated until now.

And Naruto, now a changed girl with the memories and knowledge she’d received.

Of a world where they actually gave a _damn_ about people like her.

She wondered, briefly, how much the Sandaime checked up on her was because of her status as a jinchuuriki, or because he actually cared about her.

She doubted that the man knew himself.

But Naruto knew that she was trapped in this world, all alone as her status as the main character and the jinchuuriki.

But she knew what would happen to the dissenters.

The Hokage, or even Danzo, would be the Earth King inviting her to Lake Laogai.

And that was something that Naruto couldn’t allow to happen.

“Well, if everything’s fine, I’ll be taking my leave now, Naruto,” Hiruzen said, moving to get up.

“Wait—” she blurted out, before he could leave. It might as well be now. “Can I ask you something, jiji?”

Hiruzen made an exaggerated sigh to try and humor her. _(Another method of manipulation?)_ “Just before I leave? Well, ask away, Naruto.”

“Can I go to the academy? I know the rules, but you’re like, the most powerful ninja. You can do something and let me in, right?”

“Oh,” Hiruzen said, intrigued. “And why should I let you do that?”

This was the part she’d have to make realistic.

“Because, old man!” she said, letting her emotions power her voice, “I want to prove to the villagers that I’m more than what they think of me. I’ll protect all of them until they can’t deny it, and then they’ll _have_ to acknowledge me as the best ninja, dattebayo!” she said, and tried to pretend that she was holding back her tears so that she could ‘pretend’ to appear strong to the Hokage.

Children didn’t typically like showing their vulnerabilities. Then again, neither did adults.

“Well Naruto,” Hiruzen mused, “I don’t think I can deny you this. Well, I’ll put you in for the fall term in about a month. Are you sure you can handle it? Everyone in your class is going to be older than you.”

She clenched her hands into fists, but not for the reasons Hiruzen might have thought of.

Naruto was willingly subjecting herself to go to an academy where she’d be learning how to _kill_. Going to a school where they’d fill up kids’ heads with propaganda and bullshit which they’d keep passing down.

She doubted that anyone would ever understand her perspective without knowing the democracy that had been present in her old world. It was likely that the mere mention of a democracy here would lead to something… unpleasant happening.

For now, Naruto would play along. She’d further herself, but not too much that she’d graduate early.

Just enough so that she’d take her first out of the village at the furthest possible time— when she’d be the most prepared.

“Of course, dattebayo,” she said, letting a bit more cheer into her tone. “They’ll never see me coming."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to check out my other fic, _trying to change the ending._
> 
> It’s a BNHA OC time travel fic which I think is unique in it’s execution! Don’t hesitate to pass your own judgement on it.


	3. he had loved (and left haunted)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the crow & the shark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's speed up the story a little bit.

Kisame had come back grinning from the bar, and Itachi instantly had a gut feeling that he was about to hear something unpleasant.

An intuition that he believed he’d inherited from his mother, who’d always _know_ when he or his father came home even if they hadn’t displayed anything openly on their faces.

_(He still didn’t know how she did it)._

Itachi just hadn’t expected how _mind-boggling_ the news would be.

And for something to unsettle Uchiha Itachi, anyone knew that it must be something shocking.

When Itachi had heard the news, it had taken him all his willpower not to blink or drop his dango when he’d heard the news (he could never let such a delicious, sugary treat go to waste).

He had almost embarrassed himself in front of Kisame by letting himself react visibly to the news.

_Did I hear that right?_

“My brother… defected from Konoha?” Itachi asked, dumbfounded. _Why would Sasuke ever betray Konoha?_

If Itachi had been a lesser man, he’d have said “What the _fuck?”_

Idly, he wondered how their father might have reacted. The Chief of Police, having both his sons abandon Konoha after his death.

That was what didn’t compute with Itachi. For a genius, he always felt unsettled when things didn’t fall into place how he expected.

It didn’t seem like a logical course of action. Sasuke should hate Itachi (he’d been _very_ thorough to ensure that), and how he betrayed the leaf when he’d killed their clan. Therefore, he should absolutely hate the idea of following in Itachi’s footsteps by doing something similar and abandoning the village.

Of course, Itachi hadn’t _really_ betrayed the village… but there was no way that Sasuke could have known that.

Itachi would never let his sheer confusion penetrate his tone or demeanor, but even Kisame could tell that Itachi was unsettled.

“Yeah, along with two of his kiddie teammates. An Uzumaki girl and some pink-haired bitch. I heard that,” and his voice dropped into an exaggerated whisper, _“that they managed to trick the copy-nin himself._ Apparently, he was their jonin-sensei,” he said, shrugging.

Itachi… didn’t know how he felt about that. It wasn’t unexpected that Sasuke would end up on Hatake Kakashi’s team (both of them having the only Sharingans in the village).

During his time in ANBU, he remembered Kakashi-senpai to be one of the most capable ninja that he’d ever known during his time in Konoha. Many had even considered him to be a satisfactory Hokage candidate if the Sandaime had died, as his senpai was the former student of the Yondaime himself (fitting in with the tradition that all Hokages were usually related to a previous one).

_For my brother and his teammates to have outmaneuvered him… he must have surely been in a highly weakened state. It would be impossible that they defected if he was in peak condition._

And it wasn’t like Itachi was wrong. He didn’t know, however, the how things had played out: how his senpai in ANBU managed to get himself chakra exhausted against Zabuza Momochi (a mere A-rank missing-nin), or how his genin had killed Gato and struck a deal with the missing-nin and his student, Haku to stage a fight with some henged shadow clones while the real team got as far away as they could.

All Itachi knew that his brother was acting highly foolish… and that he didn’t think the Sasuke he knew would have ever made a decision like that.

_(That was Itachi’s first mistake: To assume that the Sasuke he’d last seen was the same Sasuke as now)._

And now his little brother had surely painted a large target on his back, as ‘the last Uchiha’ of Konohagakure along with running away with the jinchuuriki. And some civilian girl?

Itachi sighed. _Foolish little brother_ , echoed his mind. He suppressed a grimace.

“What do you think, Itachi?” Kisame said, grinning with those shark-like teeth of his.

“I think,” Itachi said, with a deliberate pause (he was an Uchiha, after all), “if you don’t mind Kisame, that we’ll take a little detour and see what my little brother and his companions have been up to.”

“After all, a reunion has been long overdue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Uchiha clan and their dramatics...


	4. is it too soon to do this yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rewinding a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you guys as much as Itachi loves his dango <3!

The three of them were all seated together in Sasuke’s house, on a luxurious L-shaped couch. They’d all been dragged there by Naruto after their introductions and first meeting with Kakashi which had certainly been… interesting, to the say least.

The less that was said about that, the better.

“What I don’t understand is… how come none of us was able to figure out that the other two were reincarnated too?” Naruto asked, lying lazily in the sun with one eye opened.

Even she didn’t care much about keeping up appearances when there was a comfy couch to be used shamelessly.

“I just thought I was in an alternate universe,” Sasuke said, shrugging. He was currently covered in at least three pillows, and there may or may not have been a blanket with a handstitched cat piled up behind his head. “With you being a girl in this universe and all that.”

“Same here,” Sakura said, munching on some more dango. Currently, she was using Naruto’s legs as a pillow (and unexpectedly, she didn’t protest). Surprisingly, not a single crumb fell from the stick.

It vaguely reminded Sasuke of Itachi, or how he managed to bypass their mother’s rules about not eating on the carpet or bed because he someone never let a single crumb fall anywhere.

It was _maddening_.

“And here I was, thinking that _you two_ ,” Naruto said, lazily pointing a finger at Sasuke and Sakura, “were different from canon because of _me_.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong _,”_ replied Sasuke. “I think all of us have influenced each other, at least a little bit. You were the top kuniochi, but you gave me incentive to actually _try_. Sakura was technically in the middle, between Hinata and Ino, but Ino was always going to be on a team with Shikamaru and Choji anyway.”

“Hey,” complained Sakura, “it’s not my fault that Japanese is a pain in the ass. Or that Iruka-sensei looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel when he called me after class to discuss how I wrote that Hashirama was married to Madara instead of Uzumaki Mito. Which he might as well have been,” she added.

Naruto didn’t bother suppressing a snort at hearing that. “He was a man with his best friend’s face on his nipples. Kurama laughed his ass off at that.”

Even Sakura froze at that statement, mid-bite in her dango.

“Kurama?” asked Sasuke. If his voice had risen in pitch a little bit, Naruto and Sakura weren’t exactly in the position to tell anyone. “As in, the Kyuubi? The tailed beast, which I might add, _is the most dangerous_ _of them all_?”

You had to forgive Sasuke for how his heart jolted when Naruto rolled her eyes. “He’s not as salty as Shikaku, Sasuke, relax. All it took were a couple of meditation trips. Kurama was a bit of a dick in the beginning, sure, but now that he knows about Kaguya and Madara he’s totally on board with helping me out. He’s still a dick and a bastard the majority of the time, but I think I can count on him when it matters.”

“Plus, he makes the most hilarious jokes. Yesterday, he called the original Naruto ‘a total simp’ for the original you. I was so proud when he said that,” Naruto said, grinning. She looked a little feral.

“He sounds like my kinda guy,” said Sakura, “I’d love to meet him.”

It was at least reassuring when both Naruto and Sasuke were able to look at each other and unanimously come to an agreement that they should try and prevent that at all costs.

Sasuke squinted when the sun came to rest just above his eyes. Sakura did him a favor by placing a pillow over them.

“Hey, Naruto,” began Sakura, “can you still do your sexy jutsu?”

“…yeah. It’s been dead useful, actually. I’ve gotten away with a shit-ton of things because of that. How do you think I learned the shadow clone jutsu after I got Mizuki fired last year?”

“That was you,” said Sasuke, eyes wide. “Nice.”

“Oh, so that was what Ino meant when she said her dad mentioned he’d gotten a visit from an academy teacher,” said Sakura, contemplative. “So you could theoretically do the harem jutsu, right?”

“Um, yeah,” said Naruto, now a little hesitant after seeing the way Sakura had changed upon hearing her answer

“Great,” grinned Sakura. Her eyes were gleaming, and there was a tinge of madness radiating from her.

“How do you think Kakashi would react to being surrounded with Gai in lingerie tomorrow?”

Sasuke choked on thin air. Naruto cackled.

“Sakura,” Naruto said, teeth bared in a smile. “I think we’ll get along _just_ fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ding dong the scarecrow is gonna fucking DIE because of these children

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at justwannabeoutthere.tumblr.com, and feel free to check out my other fics!  
> Art for Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura:
> 
> https://justwannabeoutthere.tumblr.com/post/645219779502817280/femnaruto-from-my-self-insert-fic-darken-your  
> https://justwannabeoutthere.tumblr.com/post/645219777351204864/sakura-from-my-self-insert-fic-darken-your  
> https://justwannabeoutthere.tumblr.com/post/645219775913639936/sasuke-from-my-self-insert-fic-darken-your


End file.
